i think my dream will be dashed

i have calculated my GPA...

for my final semester... if i score Bs for all subject.. the maximum GPA i can get would be 2.2 onli...
which means i may not get into NUS.
eunice told me to go to uni you have to have at least 2.5 to 3.0 GPA Grade.
and the maximum i can get is only 2.2

its maximum which means i can get even lower than that...
the only way i can get more than that is to score higher than Bs for all my subjects...
even if i scored more than Bs for all my subject i would still no be able to get 2.5
unless i get all distinctions...
which is like hahaha...
IMPOSSIBLE

darn.. i should have work harder in year 1 (regrets)

ps: life is full of regrets. now i have one regret. hope i would not have more unless i cherish all the chances i have.

i will not give up hope of going into NUS. there may still be chances. so gotta work hard. put in effort and leave the rest to god.

new skin

changed to a new skin...

glad to see you again...

everything is fine...
or so to say..

hope everything can go on well...

memo

its high time to head for the gym...
time to do some toning... if not going flabby soon

ps: bought a tube top at Heartland Mall... $29.90.. must save money... if not going broke...

missing you: 2 days

i wish

for everything to go smoothly...
be it relationship or project...

i could see you soon
hear your voice... see your smile...
hold your hands...

for more money...
a nice part time job...
start giving tuition...

for all my dreams above to come true...

ps: the feeling gets stronger everyday... and i cannot help but fall deeper... let me walk into your world... your heart... your life...

i need a life...

i think this is one of the worst period of my life...

major project is killing me...
somethings are bothering me...

life is bleak...
i cannot see my future (anyway who can?)

lacking in luck...
go all the religious places to pray...(kaisu)

if things continue to go down hill
i think i will go crazy...
its too stressful...

ARGHS!

my onli source of motivation is you...
please be wif me...
please gif me the answer that i have always wanted...

cash strap

i need money... desperately...

never wear a hat that is too big for your head

credit cards are the worse invention that mankind had invent...
especially when used by people who are so Bu(4) Zi(1) Liang(4) Li(4) and want to act like they are from the higher social class...

*PIU!*

my 4th uncle (mum's younger brother)... he and his stupid wife...
owe the credit card company $10,000+...
and now the credit card company is asking my another aunt to pay for his debts as he has gone MIA (missing in action) and she is the guarantor... then my poor aunt is also in financial difficulty...
so my mum has to step in to help her pay my idiotic uncle's dirty debt...

and mind you... this is not the first time she has pay for his debt...
over the past 3 years or so... my mother had to fork out close to 10k ($10,000) to pay for his credit card debt, car loans and all sorts of nonsense...

what angered me most is he lives in a apartment and owns a MPV which is now towed away...
on the outside, he and his family looks like any other very can-do family... but in terms of cash flow... i think his family is even poorer then me... his kids are the innocent one being pulled into a whirlwind of debts which my mum pity alot... but to me... his kids are all the same as him and his wife... like father like son... all are ai(4) mu(4) xu(1) rong(2)...
his got 3 kids... the eldest is in sec sch... anf d you know what.. he owns a PDA!!
what the f**k... why does a sec sch boy needs a PDA for?! waste money right?

KNS...

its not then i am jealous with them... what for should i... cause i think my account alone has more money then his already...
what i want to say is that... live within your own means lo... don't spend on things which you cannot afford and then use the future money to pay for them... don't let cash flow to tight... almost all your salary goes into paying your whatever loans you have.. cause if one day you loose you job... all these loans and their interest will be enough to send you off the edge...

i feel so disgusted by what he and his family did... the harm they have done to the my family and my other relatives... the amount they gave him to pay off his unreasonable loans cannot be accounted for... and i remember last year when i just had my operation and was recuperating at home, they came over in the name of "visiting" me to "borrow" (which they never return a single cent b4) money from my mum... but my mum refuse and told my other uncle which was so angry that he came right down to my house to gave him a good leashing... and his wife said something in the end like: "we will break all contact with you if you refuse to lend us money"... and my mum retorted like: "as if we want you as a relative, you only bring shame to us"
KNS...
i wonder why they got the cheek to do this... how can someone be so low-down... if i got a chance to see them, i would tell them: "even if you look so rich and loaded outside, inside you are nothing but a filthy piece of rag, worthless and full of shit which deserve no pity. I despise you, for what you did and will mock at your stupidity and shallowness. Hope your children or rather my cousins would not grow up being so shallow like you do. I feel so sorry for the society, for having such people like you. She(4) Hui(4) De(4) Bai(4) Lei(4). Failure of the society"

ps:according to my mum who is equally 3-8 as me... the family has other interesting scandals which... *clear throat* are very juicy... can fight with the wan bao's headlines... not very convenient to say here la...

sure lose one la

its a sure lose bet...
cause i think i already know the final answer...

its an woman's intution...
and it can never be wrong...

but i hope it will be wrong this time
very wrong...

i am shaking inside...
as the day come closer...
closer to the truth...
to the answer that i have been always seeking for

i just hope...
its the answer i want
and my intution...
let it be wrong...

i want your
YES!

the challenge is set

its a challenge that will turn our life around...
the truth will be unveil...

my heart is pounding...
its racing...

i'm excited...
nervous...

the future is uncertain
unknown to me and you...

its our challenge for each other...
together... we will change everything...
all the best to you and me

stop running

stop running away... i hate that

i hate how things are turning out to be

- as mentioned above -

memo

happiness: the quality or state of being happy

in my eyes, i don't see happiness
in my life, happiness doesn't exist

---

never in my life am i so sure about things...
its you that i want...
nothing but you...

i am starting to be obsessive...

and going crazy too...

afraid...

i have posted recently a verse from the bible:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:34

i have tried to stop worrying...
but obviously failed...

these worries...
they are really killing me... soon...

thoughts for the day:
i am afraid...
afraid of tommorrow...
afraid of the days to come...
afraid of loosing the chance...
afraid of my life...
afraid of myself...
afraid of what the future holds...
just
VERY AFRAID OF EVERYTHING...

on a breaking point...

my emotions are walking on a thin thread...
whenever i think about things...
i shiver in fear...
my thoughts are freaking me out...
i am scared at my sudden thoughts of it
and it makes me shit in my pants...

to me honest...
i starting to have suicidal thoughts...
i don't know why...
when things are fine...
these thoughts scare the hell out of me...
when i am depress...
these thoughts are my only escape from the harsh reality of the world...

its not about HIM...
its other things...

i don't know if i can last that long...
i am afraid...
i am afraid if i go bonkers suddenly...
and not live to see tommorrow...

it scaring me out...

everything is just so stresful...

school...
MP (major project) is killing me....

family...
my mum is a little unstable oso...
probably menopause when hormones are imbalance... Haha...

i am gald i can still joke around now...

how about tommorrow?

will i still crack a joke or two...
or maybe none...
and never again...

ps: if i ever die... my only regret is letting many chances of telling you how i feel about you slip away from me... i hate myself for that...

stupidity

if curiousity killed the cat...
stupidity will kill me soon...

i dunno why on earth i am making myself suffer... when i got a good and nice set of teeth...
not so perfect but still not bad...
WHY ON BLOODY EARTH DID I GO AND MAKE BRACES!!!

DAMN...

screw my stupidity...

i noe i said ystd... for beauty, its all worth it...
FUCK...

i am in pain...
not actually pain but the aching feeling is enough to make someone very sane go insane...

cannot slp the whole night...
can't eat...
can't brush my teeth properly...
lastly... i cannot kiss... haha (not funny)

thought braces can help me with my diet but its helping too much!
by the rate i go... 1kg a day... by the end of the week...
i will be like bamboo...
skinny...
good for looking but not good for long term...

looking at the metal brackets on your teeth
they seem harmless...
but the pain they cause you...
you can never imagine...

if i had imagine... maybe i would not have done it...

its either i am stupid or real stupid...

my frens... if you wan to do braces...
think... consider...
if you think about the future its worth but if you consider all the pain and agony you will need to go through... hai...

i am not regretting... still thinking for the long term... but when you cannot think straight now... everything seems so lousy...

ps: i got orange braces... and they said is the IN colour... screw them... in or not in... i am going INSANE

stupid things i do when i am bored...

You Are a Flawless Beauty!

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense - and it shows You're the kind of woman a man would launch a thousand ships for It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare

What Type of Beauty Are You?

i am so flattered!

You Are 59% Bitchy

Generally, you're an average woman, with average moods. But sometimes... well, watch out! Sometimes, you let your mean side get the better of you. And you enjoy every minute of it.

How Bitchy Are You?

where has all the bitchy-ness in me gone to?

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise! Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro. If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you. You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

haha...

You Are an Intense Kisser

When you kiss, it's deep and powerful You don't take kissing lightly Your kisses always have meaning And they always make your head spin

What's Your Kissing Style?

whao!

hope he reads it!

Your Element is Water

Your power colors: blue and aqua Your energy: deep Your season: winter Like the ocean, you evoke deep feelings and passion. You have an emotional, sensitive, and spiritual soul. A bit mysterious, you tend to be quiet when you are working out a problem. You need your alone time, so that you can think and dream.

What Element Are You?

Your Aura is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What Color Is Your Aura?

but for beauty is all worth it...

for future sake...
i must REN(4)...

in pain now...
can't eat...

but for beauty...
its all worth it...

my mum said...
waste money to let urself suffer...

but for beauty...
its all worth it...

even simple things like egg...
looks like a delicacy which i cannot eat...

but for beauty...
its all worth it...

liquid diet... milk... cereals... and soup...
are now wad i eat...

but for beauty...
its all worth it...

suffer now and enjoy the fruits later...

ps: even if i have the courage to kiss you... i can't... muhahaha

MSN DOWN...
SUCKS...

all i need to do is ask... but i rather not...

have you ever wanted something so badly...
tried very hard to get it...
but you just couldn't...

the feeling is nasty isn't it?
i noe it..
i have this feeling too...

when you have and get everything you want almost too easily...
its not easy coping with this feeling...

maybe its because i got everything i want so easily that i was made to noe this feeling...
this feeling that i have seldom ever felt in life...

now i noe this feeling
i noe the feeling...
unpleasant...
nothing but agony...

can i get what i want...
what i really desire...
the thing or rather the person i wanted most...

can i?
pretty please...

you said...
all i have to do is ask...
but do i get the answer i want when i ask?
am i guaranteed with the answer i want..

risk... is what you would say again...
what if...
its a hard price to pay... and not getting the answer i want...
if thats the case...
i rather bear the agony and unpleasant feeling
than putting everything in jeopardy...

putting the only HOPE i have... in jeopardy...

at least... i still have HOPE now...
if i asked and do not get what i want...
i have NOTHING left ... not even a glimpse of HOPE...

HOPE is enough to keep everything in my world going...
enough to make me carry that feeling...

till i am ready... (when will the day come?)

Matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:34

i need the courage

i need the courage..

the courage to hold your hands

the courage to kiss you

and the courage...

to say "I Love You"

Singapore Fireworks Festival 2006

As promise quite sometime ago... Here are the video of the fireworks that i recorded...

1. Italy... Excellent...









2. Singapore... not available due to lousy view...

3. New Caledonia... One of the best





4. France... Excellent too...







have fun viewing...

Aries - Scorpio (Compatibility Test)

Aries is ME!
Scorpio is HIM!

Here its goes...

When Aries and Scorpio come together in a love match, it can be the kind of relationship where they both wonder how they ever managed apart. Both Signs love power and they can achieve just about anything -- as long as they learn to share the spotlight. Scorpio is very focused; once they set their sights on Aries, Aries is most likely powerless to resist! Scorpio has a deeper and more complex devotion to this relationship than does Aries.

These two Signs tend to engage in heavy, heated arguments. Their connection is highly passionate and often argumentative, because both partners have jealous tendencies. Scorpio tends to be more patient, but is also more possessive than Aries -- and can lash out (with that Scorpion sting!) when their feelings get hurt. Despite their differences in emotional involvement, both partners love risk and taking chances; this is not a boring relationship! Aries and Scorpio can have lots of adventures together. They may have trouble understanding one another --
Aries is a true extrovert, totally up-front and open, while Scorpio is more inward, emotional and, at times, manipulative. Sometimes a truce is necessary to keep things running smoothly!

Aries and Scorpio are both ruled by the Planet Mars (Passion), and Scorpio is also ruled by Pluto (Power). When two people with Mars's energy come together, it's like two soldiers on a battlefield -- they're either allies or deadly enemies. Mars also represents passion, so Aries and Scorpio tend to have an exciting time together (both in the bedroom and out of it!). Arguments are normal in such a challenge-oriented couple -- and making up is definitely something to look forward to! Pluto adds extra intensity to this dynamic.

Aries is a Fire Sign and Scorpio is a Water Sign. These two elements can be a great combination if they work together, combining emotion and physical action to get things done. Scorpio is a strategist, and can help Aries slow down and learn how to plan battles before jumping into them. Aries teaches Scorpio to let go and move on when their efforts are thwarted. However, Water can also put out a Fire, and Scorpio's tendency toward emotional manipulation has that effect on Aries -- it's too much Water dampening Aries's enthusiasm. Conversely, too much Fire makes Water evaporate away; when under emotional stress, Scorpio can become vindictive. It's essential for Aries and Scorpio to work together, not against one another.

Aries is a Cardinal Sign and Scorpio is a Fixed Sign. Aries can teach Scorpio about spontaneity -- doing things just for the experience, rather than always having an agenda in mind. Scorpio can help teach Aries to stabilize and finish things rather than always jumping into new projects without completing what's already on the table. When they can understand that they're both loyal and devoted to one another, they can both be the boss -- Aries as the initiator and Scorpio as the emotional leader.

What's the best aspect of the Aries-Scorpio relationship? The power of their combined forces. They're both winners and they won't give up, making theirs a relationship that never settles for second best.

yeah... i am always the initiator...

how

you are the one that keeps the flame in me burning...
you are the one that keeps me going...
you are the one that i cannot live without...

how do i live without you...

i hate myself for missing you so much...
but you cannot blame me...
cos its been a long time since i have seen you...

i have alot of things to say...
but when i see you..
i know nothing will come out from my mouth...
hais...

tell me what to do
tell me how...
teach me how...

HOW?!

roller coaster ride

hai...
been feeling pretty bad these few days...
had been through an emotional roller coaster...
but it is more or less over...

felt very depress for the past few days bcos of some freaking problems which i think will drag on for quite sometime...
oso... there are very happy moments oso...
hehe...
those who noe me well de...
haha... no need to say oso will noe wad happen to make me feel over the moon...

my emotion now is more stable and i am feeling much better... but still not at its very best...
hope things would go smoothly... then...
i would be the happiest girl on earth..
hahaa

if you fail to dream... you fail to live

kelly: since i stop dreaming, i have stop living

YES YES YES

YES YES YES YES YES

am i a step closer? i hope so